New News for Now

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August 26, 2018
Now it can be told...
Three months ago, on May 24, I joined my friend Rick in a weight loss challenge. Well, not exactly. He was doing one at work and it inspired me to start my own journey. He was eating right and - more importantly - getting out of the house after work and walking in the park, or walking along the marina, or walking the trails at Morley Field. I started to join him and on May 24, I made the conscious choice to make this a thing. To seriously take control of my eating and exercise and try to lose weight. Read More...

December 1995

December 31, 1995
Shall we try again? Another year. Another chance. As I sit here now, I have many tasks facing me... some easier than others, some very challenging, but all are capable of being overcome. This is, traditionally, the time for resolutions, so let's enumerate some of mine, shall we?
Primarily, diet and exercise. Important. Must do. No more excuses. Midnight marked the beginning of Quick Trim. Chicken and veggies and exercise and supplements. 15 pounds in 15 days. Then, Nutri/System or some alternate plan. Possibly the Genesis program...must look into that.
Secondly, housing. I have surrendered my apartment, sold off my furniture and put into storage those items I could not sell. The whole New York story is undone, which may not have been the best idea.... but it is finished. So, find a roommate, stay in West Hollywood?
Third, enjoy this place. Learn to make the most of each day, use the resources of the city - the arts, entertainment, people...... make it INTO something. No more waiting. No one will come to my door and bring me excitement. No one will come to my apartment and offer me love, romance, sex, or friendship.
Fourth, a job. Work. No more unemployment. It might be waiting tables. It might be running a company. But it must be something. Something public. Somewhere where I see others. Where I have coworkers or come into the public eye. Something to make me feel alive.
So, friends will be my support, but I must make it happen. Find a job, a house, a hobby, a body, a friend, a lover, a life.
Find a life of my own.
No -
MAKE a life for myself.

Fuck Facebook

I'm venting here because… my blog.
I have been banned from Facebook for 30 days.
For posting a photo of a man not showing his genitals.


November 1995

November 26, 1995, 3:05am
It has been a long time since writing, and much has happened. And yet, nothing has been decided. Interviews, trips to Las Vegas and Chicago, winning and losing at cards, at friendships, at love. And yet I am still that spider, still waiting. I do have some new deadlines and some new ideas. The possibilities are unfolding ahead of me, which is relatively new, but I am still immobile, still undecided as to my immediate fate. When the lease is done, when the year has finished...what then? What of me? Where will I call home? What will I own? New York or Las Vegas or points between? Shall I use my truck to haul myself across the states or will I sell it off for the cash and make my trek some other way? I have been keeping a sort of diary in writing recently. My interest in the occult, most specifically. Learning, if you will, the art of the craft of Wicca. I can't yet say that I have applied any practical use of it myself, but I anticipate its use will come in handy, especially if the year ends with no solid career offers in sight. I may have to resort to becoming a traveling gypsy, conjuring for my meals. I have been mostly looking at the history, the legends, the meanings of the greater picture. Recent reading has begun on the origin of a coven or the declaration of an individual. Rituals and tools are the focus. I have decided to read all first before beginning my work on anything particular of a tangible nature such as the knife (athame) or the temple altar. More than just the reading, things have been happening in my life to teach me a great deal about myself. Interpersonal things...just the way I have handled two recent situations come to mind. A guy I had a date with was on the phone for 20 minutes after I arrived. Once off the phone, I made a point to sit him down and tell him how and why I was upset with the situation and that I had thought about leaving but didn't because I preferred to deal with the problem rather than run from it. A second situation happened in Las Vegas where Andrew and I had many misunderstandings about money, our gambling, and our reason for being in Vegas in the first place. I found that a conversation about the misunderstandings cleared up most concerns and we both went on to enjoy the rest of the trip. I suppose I am proving to myself that confrontation of a problem is not the confrontation of an individual. The two are separate and can be dealt with separately. I was upset with the situation of gambling losses when he broke from our system and started using our Blackjack winnings to play Pai Gow Poker and could accept that and still like being with him. It was the first of many lessons I will soon be asked to prove, I suppose, and I embrace the chance to do so.

October 1995

October 20, 1995
I really suck at this thing. So much for chronicling a life in progress. More like a eulogy for a life that has died. I wanted to touch in here before bed tonight to start off the morning on the right track. I am fat. I am well on my way to being very fat and very unhappy. So before I get to that point I want to explore why I am hurting myself by letting myself get fat. Why do I allow myself to give in to the desire to go to 7-11 for ice cream every day? Why do I let myself be tempted by brownies and candy bars? Do I really hate myself that much? And if so, what can I do about it? Money is tight. No, not tight, non-existent. I quit my job a month ago and have made almost no money since. I have, however, spent over a thousand dollars on clothes and almost another three-thousand on trips to NYC . I must be fucking insane. Read More...